Hahahaha, oh the joys of growing up, getting old…
I am two decades and two years deep and I can confidently say I have learned so much in my 22 years thus far, mostly from trial and error… okay, you got me… A LOT of error. But hey… my dudes, you’ve gotta learn somehow. Am I right?
Learning is a great adventure in this thing we call life.
I know I tend to ramble, this is who I am, so I am gonna try to keep this blog post short and sweet. (Is that truly possible? It probably is possible but probably won’t happen consider I have 22 things to say….bare with me)….
For all my peeps who do enough reading in uni. I feel you guys, my eyes feel like they’re rotting on the daily, concepts and content, BUT…hang in there because I can promise you it will all be worth it. I say this with confidence knowing there is only 10 more days of being in-class and I will be one degree hotter (see what I did there).
ANYWAY.
Although I am far away from knowing all the answer’s to life’s biggest questions. The last year of my life has been such a learning curve. I have done a lot of growth over the past year. So I shall share with you this:
Life is not perfect. This is a truth that no one can run from.
Mistakes happen. And they are inevitable. In fact, mistakes make us who we are. No matter how hard someone could try to do no wrong, at one point in time or another you will fall short. I mean this with no disrespect. Mistakes happen. That’s life. Bad circumstances toss us around and throw things right out of proportion. And to say the least, failure is real, and it is impossible to resist. But there is always two ways to look at scenarios:
Approach them by allowing the hurt to feed on us. Or we can look at these circumstances as an opportunity to learn, improve, and grow. The choice you make is a testament to the life you will live and who you are.
You can either let these situations destroy you or mold you.
I will share with you, some of the many life lessons I have learned and/ or am in the process of learning since my birth in ’95. Although, realistically I don’t think I retained much the first few years…
My advice to you (I am not big on giving it so take this to heart): dig deep, be tenacious through it all because in the end, you’re all capable or more than you know.
So enjoy reading some of my thoughts.
1. Time alone is time well spent.
Spend time with yourself. It will be some of the best time you will ever experience. You need to unwind, you need it to re-energize, you need this time alone to focus and you need it to keep your peace. You can go to a cafe by yourself, write down your goals, read a book, meditate, go to the gym, lay in your underwear, bake and just be. Whatever you need to do to feel yourself and be alone with who you are.
2. It is okay to cry. (Honestly, I cry a lot guys, let it out, it feels great – really)
Crying is natural way to reduce emotional stress, let the tears flow my darlings.
FUN FACT: tears actually remove chemicals in your body that build up during emotional stress. So tears can actually “heal” you. No joke.
Emotional crying means that you are human. While all mammals are moistened and soothed by tears, only human beings shed tears when responding to emotional stress. (never thought I would be able to use that word in a public post.. lol weird)
3. Do not be afraid to ask questions, you are not a fool just because you don’t know.
(how will you know if you aren’t willing to learn?)
If you get the chance to learn something new, do it. There is no such thing as being TOO smart. So ask questions. Be an ‘ASKHOLE’ (n): someone who asks many stupid, pointless, or obnoxious questions (got this from a post on Tumblr). But in all seriousness, don’t be afraid to ask. You will learn something new and have more insight.
4. Your mom is usually right (cliche and sappy).
Never underestimate the wise perspective of your momma bear. She carried you and knows you on a deeper level.
5. Being selfish is ok.
This one I sometimes struggle with, but the fact of the matter is that sometimes you need to do what’s best for you and put yourself first. I often put others needs ahead of my own. But sometimes taking a step back and putting yourself first is okay. It may seem selfish, but doing what’s right for you and in your best interest is sometimes the right thing to do! It will also benefit you and others in the long run.
And, being hit with the hard truth recently – when other people tell you they need to be selfish – leave them alone! Don’t suffocate them. We all need time to be selfish – because that is self care. Respect when people ask for space. After all, they are only human.
6. Your grades are NOT symbolic to who you are as a person.
This one is SO SO important:
You’ve written over hundreds of exams and you’ve gotten good scores and other times scored miserably. But, do you remember your 10th grade math score? (I do haha because it was miserable, and I failed, but moving on) Do you even remember 10th grade math? (Could not even tell you what algebra is anymore – math is not my strong suit. I work with kids for a reason). Education is so important but the stress and competitive grading that comes along with it is not. If you get a low grade or even fail, not much will happen – another opportunity will arise, I promise you. But if you get ill – mentally or physically, the undesired long term effects do not always subside for a while. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You know what you need to feel like yourself. If you need to take a step back and drop out of your program to focus on your health – you do you. Your health is not worth risking over grades. This is super hard for me as I always strive to get higher grades.. Yet, grades do not define you. Do not let grades define who you are (I’ve struggled with this the past 4 years of university). Take care of yourself my friends, your health is your wealth.
In school you’re taught a lesson and given a test. In life you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
NEVER FORGET THAT.
7. Comparing myself to others is counter productive.
It’s tempting to do so. Yes, it’s so hard. But considering life’s infinite variables being thrown at you, we really have no idea what the advantages and disadvantages of one another are. If you’re set on measurable attributes, try comparing yourself to yourself: push for a goal, handle a conflict differently, explore forgiveness. Reward your accomplishments. But focus on bettering yourself not trying to be someone else or look like someone else. This is really hard in the fitness and relationship world. You always want to strive for that “summer bod” or strive for that “power couple” ideal. You always see yourself differently and you always experience things differently. Do not strive to be others; strive to be the best you that you can be 🙂
8. It’s okay to be unsatisfied with where you are at.
But it is your responsibility to not stay in that place permanently. Instead, use your dissatisfaction to fuel your action: apply for a new job, end your stagnant relationship, go to school, travel, talk to a therapist, etc. Much of your life can be spent making minor alterations towards a state of ultimate content. Each day is a step closer to where you want to be. If you are not satisfied take action. Simple as that. You hold the power my peeps.
9. Be accountable for what you do.
“Mistakes are proof that you are trying”: This means owning up to the mistakes you make, just as much as it means owning and defending the space you fill. You will fuck up, that is a given. And only you can seek atonement for this. You will need to defend yourself every now and then, and rarely will anyone recognize when this is necessary. But that does not matter. You need to look out for you. Acknowledging both your mistakes and your rights is equally important. Be patient with yourself, you’re always learning. Mistakes happen. Accept them, and grow from them. Do not dwell on them (#SFLAB).
10. Overthinking is pointless.
Seriously, it is. Stop creating scenarios in your head that “might” happen. Instead, occupy that space in your mind with useful (or random) knowledge, goals, and positive thoughts. This is a HUGE learning curve that will probably forever remain “in the process” type of learning curve. I am an anxious person that gets triggered by different things depending on the context. I constantly need to remind myself, the here and the now, that is all I have control of. You also have the power to how you react to situations.
My overthinking, over anxious brain will constantly be striving to work on this.
11. Energy is real.
You may not know much about science beyond 10th grade but you do know that, e=mc ² (just kidding, I didn’t remember that either – is that even a real thing??) But essentially, everything is energy, you are energy and there is both positive and negative energy (get yourself a himalayan salt lamp, balance those ions out my people – this is for you Jese). On that note, you can feel energy and you experience it in every person you meet, every place you visit, every room you step into. You can and you must choose to surround yourself with positive energy. What you attract, you will get; what you attract you will become. Your thoughts become things. You are the product of your environment. If anything, remember that.
12. All the little things do matter.
Especially the thoughtful ones that show that people you care. You parental units appreciate those phone calls, your siblings (although mine may be ruthless) do appreciate the connection you make with them, sending someone a birthday wish reminds them you care, getting someone a tea as a surprise can make someone’s entire day. Little things matter – don’t think, act on kindness.
“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou
13. I am biased (and so are you) and I know it (and so should you).
We are all biased, there is no denying this. But we must realize that our perspective is neither better or worse than someone else’s. Let go of the need to be right. You will learn so much more in life. Everyone has a different lived experience then you. Accept that. There are a magnitude of possibilities to every situation and you only know what you experience or what is in your awareness. Everyone is different. You have a bias – be aware of it, acknowledge it and just let go of always needing to win and be right.
14. Live according to your values
I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be. I strive to be who I am and to be a better person.
My values can often be forgotten during times I am caught up in the moment. But determine your values and allow them to give you clarity on your journey of self growth.
I strongly recommend you WRITE THEM DOWN (I tell you this a lot, I know but writing it down opens up your lens and enables you to really see what you are after). It is so important to be able to reward yourself for growing as a person. You need to be able to remind yourself and hold yourself accountable for what you set out to do. Take action, don’t just think about it and never get around to doing it.
15. Ask for advice.
Listen to people’s perspective. It may open up a new channel for yourself. Talk to people older and more wise, or younger (the young have wisdom too). Other humans have so much to offer you. Don’t always assume you know everything – advice is warranted. Does not mean you need to take it or accept it but be open to hearing others voices. It is sometimes hard but it can open up a whole new world. Young grasshoppers we are all learning.
16. Follow your dreams.
Even if you get sidetracked (which, happens a lot, lets be honest). Follow your goals. More likely than not, things will never work out as envisioned but thats not to say you won’t get to where you need to be when you need to be there.
Speak your dreams, speak them loudly for everyone to hear, you will gain new insight that can push you closer to your goals when you open up about your visions. Use your passion to drive you towards the path set out for you. You may have setbacks but they will only push your forward if you want them to. They can hold you back – but don’t let them. Chase after your dreams.
17. Limit your complaints.
(Of course it is human nature, but that does not mean you should not be mindful of it)
Lately I have found myself complaining about a lot of things that really do not deserve to be complained about – or speaking negative about things that I need to think about before talking about. It has almost become normalized for me and I write this lesson down because I have recognized the harsh reality of it. No one wants to hear it in that manner. Change your situation, learn to cope, or change your perspective. Things DO get better. Focus on the positives not the negatives (still a work in progress at times).
18. What you think about truly matters.
Your thoughts become things. They really do.
Think well by reading good books, building good connections, having good and stimulating conversation and imitating great people. Don’t waste time thinking about little things that don’t matter (this goes with overthinking).
19. Being present takes a conscious effort.
We all get a little caught up in a different moment than the present moment (Ya’ll know what I’m saying?)
Try to remember the importance of grounding yourself in the present moment when you can. Take the time to examine your mindset, and reflect on whatever you need to do to live in the present. This takes a conscious effort, but is so important in a world where we are constantly plugged in and self absorbed.
My phone is my biggest distraction, but never is it more important than the moment I am living in. Find people who make you want to forget about your phone. Be present. Be in the moment. Moments are precious (cliche .. very cliche but value the time you have with the people in your life things can change in the blink of an eye – honestly).
20. Life goes on.
Goes on and on, its like the song that never ends (Just kidding – clearly I was a camp kid because thats what came into my mind).
Seriously, you cannot stop life or put it on pause and make it wait for you to be ready. Life doesn’t wait for anyone, time doesn’t stop, these things will never change. It’s life. It’s reality. Take it as a lesson. You should never wait or put your life on pause. Stop wasting your time and be ready in the here and now, in the moment. Do things you want to do, say things you need to say. Start now. It’s never too late for a new adventure, a new chapter. Be who you are and say what you feel. Again, you will only learn new things and you will encourage self growth. Don’t hold yourself back from being the best you, you can be.
21. Nothing is better left unsaid.
Speak whats on your mind and whats in your heart – say it out loud. Within reason, if it going to degrade or bring others down – think about it. Take a moment to reflect. But take a chance to speak up about your ideas your feelings, your thoughts. That saying “we regret the changes we didn’t take or things we wish we had said” its true. Don’t hold back.
22. Love deeply
Spread your love in all forms, shapes and sizes. You have this one life – may as well spend it loving yourself and those around you. Speaking from someone who often cares too much and gives it my all there is never any regret in love and kindness. However, take that as a lesson – just because you feel that way does not mean it is reciprocated and that is tough to swallow. Cherish your friends and family. Relationships can come and go but remember – they may be a good human being but that doesn’t mean they are right for you. Don’t settle or lower your standards for anyone. But do keep loving and moving onward. Peeps, love is powerful and can make you do crazy things – embrace it.
Life is a journey; enjoy the ride my dudes
One more for good luck?
Something I am currently working on:
Be the best at anything anyone will let you do, even if you hate it. Even if you complain about it. Do your best. The right people will notice and it will change your life.
So much for keeping this one short oops, I am just a girl with a lot to say I guess… I ramble a lot… So thanks for reading?
XX
Keep moving forward my peeps,
Ames.
Perhaps TL;DR
My Little Missadventure 